Where's MY Tea Room?!

Godol Hador puts out a funny post that just makes my stomach rumble even louder! I feel it necessary to post something for my fellow Jews who have to miss all the zoo trips and go into the office on Chol HaMoed (now really, which would you prefer?).

Working on Succos always presents a challenge because you need to find a place that has a succa to eat. But usually those places can be found. This is New York after all. On the other hand, Pesach (pronounced Peh-sach, not Pay-sach) presents a whole different challenge. Obviously, you're limited to bringing food from home since mir misht nisht. The question is, what foods can you bring in while at the same time manage to limit the curious questions and comments from the co-workers? I don't have my own office (we're in an open environment) and have no desire to munch on matza shmeared with jelly or cream cheese while everyone asks me to stop making so much noise so that they can work.

So instead, I brought a yogurt and some selzter and starved. Dignity before satiation.

Shabbos Cabby

My sister spent 8 hours in the emergency room last Friday night trying to figure out why her stomach was killing her. Eight hours of pain, waiting, tests and entertainment by the myriad of emergency cases near her (gunshots, overdoses, etc.) In the end, while they did rule out anything that would require emergency medical treatment, they couldn’t find anything wrong with her and sent her on her way.

Thet he problem became how to get home. By then it was early Shabbos morning and walking home was out of the question. So now my sister and brother-in-law needed to get home with the least mechalel shabbos as possible. He had a nurse call a cab and when it arrived, he told the guy he couldn’t open the door and asked him to open the door for them. He gave them a little strange look, but did it. Thinking that this was going to work out alright, they arrive at their house. My brother-in-law had prepared some money in his pocket for this event and when the cabby told them the fee, he asked if the cabby wouldn’t mind reaching into his pocket to take out the money. Personally, ifI was the cabby at this point, I’d be a little freaked out. No problem though. He reaches in and pulled out the twenty from the deep recesses of my brother-in-laws front pocket (and with minimal groping, I assume). Since the tab came out to considerably less, he offered change. Of course, being Jewish, my BIL was not going to turn it down-Shabbos or not, so he asked him to place the change in his pocket. I may stretching the truth here, but Iwould guess that he had the cabby keep a tip for himself. Maybe a little extra for feeling him up in the pocket.

Once all was said and done, the cabby turns to the both of them and says:

“Don’t worry about all of this. You may think that Ithink you’re both nuts, but I know all about this stuff. I’m Jewish.”

You can't make this up.

Just gimme a fag

If this doesn't get farked, I will lose all faith.

Give prunes a whole new look.

Sistine Chapel

So the media is now occupied with the Vatican, the Conclave and the elections for a new pope. Personally I couldn’t care less. Besides, I know the whole process already - I read “The Da Vinci Code”. Although I don’t think the book mentioned the Conclave taking place on top of a fake floor that hides an array of anti-communication and jamming devices. Cool.

I DID read something cool in yesterday's paper though. Did you know the Sistine Chapel, built between 1475 and 1483 and painted by Michelangelo is 40.93 meters long and 13.41 meters wide, the same dimensions of Solomon’s Temple as described in the Old Testament. Now that is interesting. So take a look at a picture of the inside of the Sistine Chapel and you’ll have an idea of the size of the Beis HaMikdash.

Hannibal Returns

Yeah. Suuuurrre he hurt himself falling. Mess with cops and you seem to fall alot.

Sistine Chapel

So the media is now occupied with the Vatican, the Conclave and the elections for a new pope. Personally I couldn’t care less. Besides, I know the whole process already since I read “The Da Vinci Code”. Although I don’t think the book mentioned the Conclave taking place on top of a fake floor that hides an array of anti-communication and jamming devices. Cool.

In today’s paper, I did read something cool. Did you know that the Sistine Chapel, built between 1475 and 1483 and painted by Michelangelo is 40.93 meters long and 13.41 meters wide, the same dimensions of Solomon’s Temple as described in the Old Testament. Now that is interesting. So take a look at a picture of the inside of the Sistine Chapel and you’ll have an idea of the size of the Beis HaMikdash.

“The Kippa Tan Line”

Last Shabbos I ran into a problem that plagues me every year. “The Kippa Tan Line”.

Last Shabbos was one of the first nice warm days of the spring and after shul I spent some time being sociable and talking with the neighbors. The usual inane crap and gossip.

The problem started a little later that afternoon when my wife commented on how I got a lot of color. That’s when I panicked. Unlike some people, I can’t a tan or get color without putting in the proper planning. You see, I’m a member of a very dicriminated against group in society by being, shall we say, folically challenged. And don’t wear a kippa at work. If I don’t take the proper precautions, I end up with a nice base color all over my face, neck and any part of the head not covered by the kippa and when I take the kippa off, I’m left looking like a complete nincompoop with a white, untanned dome. And I go through this at the beginning of every spring.

*sigh*

Since it was Shabbos, I held onto the hope that by Monday morning the line differentiating ‘tan’ from ‘non-tan’ would not be so discernable. All I can say is that it was and thank g-d for makeup.

Any of you ‘inventors’ out there have any ideas?

Strep Arrives

Here’s a thought.

In the beginning of last week, my 4 year old son came down with strep and went on antibiotics. Happens all the time; too often I think. By the Wednesday he was mostly feeling better but on Thursday morning he started feeling sick again. I don’t usually get too perturbed when my child gets ill because my wife makes a great nurse. This time was different though because come Thursday night, my wife really started complaining that she felt like crap. Really complaining, which she rarely does. In my family, I’m the designated kvetch and I don’t take kindly to anyone encroaching on my turf.

So, Friday morning the doctor comes to the house (that’s right, he comes to the house!) and her rapid culture was negative. My wife insists that it’s wrong and that she definitely has strep so he gives her some antibiotics to tide the weekend over until the lab results come in.

A little while later she calls me in the office and tells me I’m going to have to come home from work very early so that I can help her prepare for Shabbos. Now that’s when I started getting nervous. Me? Prepare for Shabbos? Other that shaving, showering and maybe putting the extra leaf in the dining room table, I’m not sure how to prepare for Shabbos. But she’s real sick and if I don’t, I’ll never get to kvetch again. I know, I know, I spoil her. (for all those who are starting to get real pissed off here, I’m kidding.)

So I go home early, and I’m put to work. Grating the potatoes for the kugel. Seven of them. By hand. (I forgot to mention that we were having two families over for Shabbos lunch.) Clean the kitchen, get the dining room ready, bathe the kids and lots of other stuff I can’t even remember. I think I blocked it all out, but I do remember that Shabbos came out nice.

After all was said and done, I walked away with two thoughts:

1. I need to appreciate my wife more for all she does, especially erev shabbos. It’s a LOT of work!
2. Wives are not allowed to get sick. That’s our specialty.

...and she was right, she did have strep.

Air Time gets a job

Air Time got a job, which means he has much more time to write on his Blog. Check him out. He's finally coming out of his shell.

Returning the favor

I'm a week late, but I just noticed that I was mentioned (or at least linked to) in Heimishtown's blog. I'd pat myself on the back, but my dermatologist just took a chunk out of it yesterday so it hurts. Maybe next week.

The Evolution of 'Intelligent Design'

"You can teach certain things, but you don't have to shout it in the streets," he said. "It's a sad story. I used to say that in Judaism we never used to have Galileo episodes [a reference to the medieval Italian physicist and astronomer forced by the church to recant his teaching that the Earth revolved around the sun]. But today we could."

Gil didn't want to start another post on the slifkin issue, so he links to a recent article in his comments section. Since I never have much to write anyway, here it is.

At least he had food

Updated: 10:28 a.m. ET April 5, 2005

NEW YORK - A Chinese food delivery man was found trapped in a broken elevator on Tuesday, more than three days after he was reported missing, police said.

Ming Kung Chen, 35, who worked for the Happy Dragon restaurant in the Bronx, was reported missing late Friday when he did not return an hour after setting out on a delivery.

Police said he was found at about 6 a.m. ET on Tuesday and was hospitalized with dehydration. Police were unable to question him immediately because he did not speak English.

Newspapers had reported the Chinese community feared that Chen, who is from Fuzhou province in China, might have been a victim of robbery or foul play by immigrant smugglers.

So the fire department gets a call from the building management today that someone who sounded drunk was communicating to them via the elevator intercom. That's how they found him.

What I'm trying to figure out is how it took the guy 4 days to find the intercom button?!?