Shul Etiquette

Those pictures just don't seem to be doing anything. Time to post something again. While there's so much more Slifkin news to talk about, that horse is dead for me. For now at least.

Let's move on.

The following is part of a weekly shul e-mail and occasionaly some humor finds its way in. I found this one particularly funny and I assume there's a grain of salt to be taken with this as it is a day before Purim. On the other hand, you just never know. For the sake of anonymity, this shul will be called "Kehillas HaChevra", or "KH". For those of you that got that-and I know there's at least one of you out there-thanks for stopping by.

Shul Etiquette II

Due to the warm response accorded last week's etiquette suggestions, I have decided to expand the program. The following rules will apply beginning on Purim.

Beginning Sunday, KH will be offering a course in rhythmic clapping for the metronomically impaired. Those placed in rhythmic detention will have their Makom declared a No-Clapping Zone until they have completed the course and been certified by our rhythm coordinator. At that point their clapping privileges will be reinstated.

Beginning Shabbos all strollers illegally parked in the lobby will be towed. Impounded strollers can be redeemed following the settling of all Shul accounts plus towing charges.

We will be having an abandoned coat sale Sunday. Proceeds to benefit the Coat Snatcher Legal Defense Fund.

Night vision goggles will be available for rent at Shalosh Seudos. Please be careful to remove the goggles before the lights are turned on for benching. KH will assume no responsibility for damaged retinas.

All KH members being honored by other organizations must schedule their dinners annually for May 11. Rav "Rosh HaChevra" will speak at 8:00 p.m. for all of these dinners simultaneously via video hook-up. This will serve to greatly reduce strain on the schedules of both the Rav and the entire membership. If this program is successful we will then move on to the next step of simultaneous parlor meetings, to reduce both expenses and traveling times.

As you all know, no hard alcoholic beverages are permitted in KH. In the interests of health, from now on Diet Mountain Dew will also be prohibited.

Thank you all for your cooperation.

I've got a few more suggestions, but I'm holding my tongue. ow.